My Goodbye Letter to You!

daisy-girl-goodbye-letter-love-Favim.com-127831_large

We both knew our relationship had an expiration date.

But there may never be an end to all the feelings we have for each other.

You weren’t like the others. Not in any way imaginable. I think that’s why I loved you.

I know you think our differences separated us. I disagree.

I believe our differences drew us together like magnets.

That was the problem: we always disagreed. It makes me laugh now, even as I cry, to think of how we always disagreed on virtually everything.

Silly arguments in the car, driving to or at work, on what to do, what we like, and too many other unimportant things that make me laugh now. I

hope those memories make you laugh too.

We disagreed on so many things.

Except for one thing: our feelings for each other. And that is what held us together.

I’ll never forget the night we met. I thought I had nailed the Interview process at Fatz.

The way you looked at me. It makes me smile to think of it.

Tears fall down my face as I write this… there are still so many memories.

From the night that we met, to the morning of February 2nd when you asked me out.

I was so afraid to say yes but I took the chance. Looking back at that first night we met, we had no idea that we would be sharing the next year of

our lives together, creating so many new wonderful and painful memories.

So many seemingly meaningless things that I won’t soon forget.

Sitting in my living room, drinking, having kikis, snuggling on the chair watching stupid shows.

Your face it’s a face indelibly marked on my heart and my soul… forever.

Like a scar. A beautiful, wonderful, painfulscar.

The way you would be so weird at times and silly. I think that is what I loved most about you. Quirky, beautiful, funny, silly you.

You always knew how to make me laugh. You would say “I’m not funny.” But you always made me laugh.

We have a million memories to draw from.

I could write volumes on all of the memories. But I’m stopping here.

I know you remember them all, too, babe.

I hope you will remember all of our good memories, and try to forget the bad.

I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for. I am not sure you even know what that is.

I hope you find your dream job because I know how unhappy you are there.

I hope you find love again.

But most of all, I hope you don’t look back someday and regret that you let me go.

Because that might be the biggest regret of all.

I know I will find love again. People are drawn to me. I guess I am lucky that way.

But you will find love again, too.

How could anyone not fall in love with with sweet, quirky you?

I don’t doubt for a second that you still love me right at this moment. Even as I write this alone. Without you.

Without any trace of you. Except for the memories that will always haunt me in my mind.

Go find yourself. I need to find myself, too.

We are both lost souls, empty in so many ways, but we both have so very much to give.

I’ll never feel alone. And I know I will never be alone.

I’m moving on now. Abandoning my past and pushing myself to move forward– without you.

I’ll never forget you- although I wish I could.

One last thing: Always remember me as someone that was scare to love and at the end you stole my heart.

I don’t know many things, but I am certain of one thing: That no one will ever love you the way I did.

Never ever forget me.

With love and much care

-Jorge

Advertisements

Top 10 Relationship Websites!

Check this top 10 websites for relationships!

  • National Healthy Marriage Resource Center: The National Healthy Marriage Resource Center is designed to provide high-quality, comprehensive resources on the topic of healthy marriage and relationships. The NHMRC reports on recent research and policy changes, news, and popular topics such as stressors, relationship dynamics, and the effects of different relationship types and cultures.
  • Freedom to Marry: An initiative launched by civil rights attorney Evan Wolfson that works to advance marriage equality in the United States, Freedom to Marry provides up-to-date information on same-sex marriage policy changes and news, and strives to educate the public about the importance of marriage equality. Site visitors have access to resources, articles, and other information about LGBTQ issues.
  • Smart Marriages: The Coalition for Marriage, Family, and Couples Education: Smart Marriages is an excellent resource for people seeking information about strengthening relationships. From consumers to marriage educators to clergy, visitors can access educational workshops and classes, support groups, and multimedia resources. Smart Marriages also features a blog and provides a member newsletter and information on recent research.
  • The Couple Connection: Operated by a leading research organization in England and designed to be a “do-it-yourself” relationship guide, The Couple Connection offers relationship advice in the form of articles, multimedia, and quizzes, and helps you set goals. A counselor-moderated “relationship forum” and one-on-one “listening room” are also provided.
  • Love Is Respect: A project of nonprofit Break the Cycle and the National Dating Abuse Hotline, Love is Respect teaches youth and young adults about healthy relationships, dating, and communication. Information about different types of abuse, how to recognize abuse, and how to get help is also offered. Visitors can chat live with “peer advocates” 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
  • TwoOfUs.org: TwoOfUs.org is a product of the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center. An expert Q&A and comprehensive news and advice on dating and marriage are offered. Visitors can find videos, interactive quizzes, and a directory of healthy marriage and family programs.
  • The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com: Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT, is a leading educator in the field of marriage counseling. She created The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com to educate couples on the correlation between emotional health and relationship well-being. The Toolbox offers a wealth of resources and information on mental and emotional health, marriage and relationships, and couples therapy.
  • Marriage Gems: A research-based marriage blog run by Lori Lowe, Marriage Gems presents interviews with marriage experts and blog posts about popular relationship issues in a consumer-friendly format. Visitors can also access free e-books for download and other resources for marriage and relationship information.
  • Project Happily Ever After: Project Happily Ever After is a blog run by Alisa Bowman that details her personal journey from the brink of divorce to falling in love again with her husband. The site covers topics ranging from affairs to intimacy and answers frequently asked marriage questions. In addition to marriage advice, Project Happily Ever After offers a free e-book, marriage resource links, and a newsletter subscription.

10 Tips to Perk Up your relationship!

34088-40287

1: Be grateful.

Remembering to thank your partner seems simple, but gratitude may provide the everyday dose of spackle that keeps you glued together over the long haul. “Gratitude helps remind us of the good qualities in our partners.

2: Poke fun at each other.

Playfulness is one of the first casualties of a busy life. When your life consists of nothing but working, paying bills, cleaning, and sleep, play can disappear from a relationship. “You have to keep it alive by having fun, joking around, using silly nicknames.

3: Capitalize on good news.

We expect our partners to provide us with a shoulder to cry on when times are tough—but how couples behave during good times might be even more important. Partners who respond enthusiastically to each other’s successes—asking questions, paying compliments, and cheering each other on—report greater relationship satisfaction over time.

When something good happens to your partner—a promotion, a compliment from a coworker, or even just a witticism that gets a big laugh—seize the opportunity to make the most of it. You don’t need a major event as an excuse to break out the good.

4: Use your illusions.

We may think putting our mates on a pedestal is unrealistic—but in fact, partners who idealize each other wind up happier. Partners in the most satisfied couples rate their mates more positively than the mates rate themselves.

Similarly, when spouses perceived their partners as being nicer than their actual behavior warranted, they maintained greater long-term satisfaction than spouses who did not idealize each other as much. So if you value your clear-eyed judgment of others, including your partner, it may be time to ease up a little and concentrate on what you like about your mate. Looking through a soft-focus lens might help you build a genuinely rosier picture over time.

5: Find your ideal self—in your partner.

happy couples bring out the best in each other. But when partners more closely resemble each other’s ideal selves, couples fare better—above and beyond the benefit to the relationship afforded by how similar you are in actuality.

Someone who describes her ideal self as physically fit, for instance, might be happy being with a disciplined athlete; someone who longs to be more creative might thrive with an artistic partner. This is call the “Michelangelo effect,” since partners can help “sculpt” each other’s best selves by affirming each other’s efforts at self-improvement. The aspiring fitness buff, for example, appreciates her athletic partner’s reminders to work out.

So try listing your personal goals. Then think about the qualities you like most in your partner. Chances are, there’s overlap between the self you aspire to and the aspects of your partner you appreciate most. Then recruit your partner to help you improve in the domains that matter to you. You’ll not only get closer to your ideal self—you’ll also feel closer to your partner.

6: Notice what’s new about your partner.

Letting your partner surprise you is vital to sustaining excitement in your relationship. But in order to be surprised, you first have to pay attention.

The problem is that most of us get so familiar with our partners, we stop really noticing them. “But the fact that you stopped looking doesn’t mean they’ve stopped changing,” says Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer. It’s only the illusion of stability.

So take the time to actively notice differences: Look for five things that are different from the last time you looked. These differences can be as simple as a new necktie and as profound as a shift in spiritual beliefs. Taking the time to notice—it is  call “mindful awareness”—increases our engagement with our partner.

So become engaged with your partner. Once you begin to really pay attention, you’ll be amazed by what you discover.

7: Put it in writing.

For a recent Valentine’s Day, Los Angeles-based film editor Stefan Grube gave his wife Julie a journal, with the idea that the couple would take turns writing to each other. There’s something great about using a pen and paper that helps us really take the time and express your feelings on paper.

Writing has a way of shoring up romantic emotions. A University of Texas study found that when participants wrote about their relationships for 20 minutes at a time for 3 days, they were more likely to be together 3 months later. They also expressed more positive emotions in instant message conversations with each other—the writing had prompted more good feelings about the relationship. So next time you think fondly of your partner, write those thoughts down.

8: Provide support in secret.

You might think showing a stressed-out partner explicit support—like cooking special meals or running time-consuming errands—will shore up your connection. But overt social support carries a cost: Partners feel obligated, which leads to more stress.

The most effective support was actually “invisible.” When one partner claimed to be providing support the other partner did not report receiving, the other partner showed more improvement in mood than when receiving explicit support.

The lesson? Hidden acts of kindness brighten your mate’s day, especially when he or she is going through a challenging time. So instead of making grand gestures, find subtle ways to make your partner’s life easier: Stock the fridge with a favorite drink or straighten up a cluttered workspace. Being surreptitiously supportive is a good way to exercise your positivity muscle on a small scale.

9: Get back in touch.

Sure, having regular sex does wonders for relationship satisfaction and well-being. But for couples whose sex life is stalled, even just a little warm touch can make a difference.

A simple “listening touch” exercise, in which partners gently touch each other’s neck, shoulders, and hands, increases oxytocin, a hormone that facilitates bonding, and reduces partners’ blood pressure and physiological stress levels.

In other words, you can reap the benefits of physical closeness even when you don’t have the time or energy for full-blown intimacy. Just a quick hug or backrub can boost your mood—and your connection with your mate.

10: Look after yourself.

You may think the best way to improve your relationship is to focus more on your partner, but that’s not always true. Investing in your own life and happiness will pay off, too.

If you’re going through a rough patch, often the most effective thing that you can do is to lovingly remove your attention from the relationship—period, forget about what the other person is doing badly, or isn’t doing, and focus on taking positive action in your own life instead.

By making your life more satisfying, you take pressure off your relationship to be your sole source of happiness. Plus, by taking care of what you need to in your own life, you bring a more positive attitude back into the relationship, the other person will start to treat you differently—without you having done anything other than shift your energy into your own life.  this strategy would take your relationship from “constant chaos” to happy marriage.

Whether you choose to say thanks, sneak in some invisible support, or coin a silly nickname, a little positivity goes a long way. Small gestures matter. Expensive gifts and exotic vacations are nice, but not as meaningful in the long term as simple actions like taking the time to notice a new outfit or cheer a partner’s success. Positivity expands your awareness, begetting more positivity—more noticing, more engagement, more appreciation, and more trust. Little actions help build a reservoir of goodwill that will keep your relationship replenished.

6 Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal!

blog

Most people thing that this habits in this article are “Normal” but are they really? Check them out and let me know what you think!!!!

. The Relationship Scorecard
What It Is: The “keeping score” phenomenon is when someone you’re dating continues to blame you for past mistakes you made in the relationship. If both people in the relationship do this it devolves into what I call “the relationship scorecard,” where it becomes a battle to see who has screwed up the most over the months or years, and therefore who owes the other one more.

You were an asshole at Cynthia’s 28th birthday party back in 2010 and it has proceeded to ruin your life ever since. Why? Because there’s not a week that goes by that you’re not reminded of it. But that’s OK, because that time you caught her sending flirtatious text messages to her co-worker immediately removes her right to get jealous, so it’s kind of even, right?

Wrong.

Why It’s Toxic: The relationship scorecard develops over time because one or both people in a relationship use past wrongdoings in order to try and justify current righteousness. This is a double-whammy of suckage. Not only are you deflecting the current issue itself, but you’re ginning up guilt and bitterness from the past to manipulate your partner into feeling wrong in the present.

If this goes on long enough, both partners eventually spend most of their energy trying to prove that they’re less culpable than the other rather than solving the current problem. People spend all of their time trying to be less wrong for each other instead of being more right for each other.

What You Should Do Instead: Deal with issues individually unless they are legitimately connected. If someone habitually cheats, then that’s obviously a recurring problem. But the fact that she embarrassed you in 2010 and now she got sad and ignored you today in 2013 have nothing to do with each other, so don’t bring it up.

You must recognize that by choosing to be with your significant other, you are choosing to be with all of their prior actions and behaviors. If you don’t accept those, then ultimately, you are not accepting them. If something bothered you that much a year ago, you should have dealt with it a year ago.

2. Dropping “Hints” and Other Passive-Aggression

What It Is: Instead of stating a desire or thought overtly, your partner tries to nudge you in the right direction of figuring it out yourself. Instead of saying what’s actually upsetting you, you find small and petty ways to piss your partner off so you’ll then feel justified in complaining to them.

Why It’s Toxic: Because it shows that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly with one another. A person has no reason to be passive-aggressive if they feel safe expressing any anger or insecurity within the relationship. A person will never feel a need to drop “hints” if they feel like they won’t be judged or criticized for it.

What You Should Do Instead: State your feelings and desires openly. And make it clear that the other person is not necessarily responsible or obligated to them but that you’d love to have their support. If they love you, they’ll almost always be able to give it.

3. Holding the Relationship Hostage

What It Is: When one person has a simple criticism or complaint and blackmails the other person by threatening the commitment of the relationship as a whole. For instance, if someone feels like you’ve been cold to them, instead of saying, “I feel like you’re being cold sometimes,” they will say, “I can’t date someone who is cold to me all of the time.”

Why It’s Toxic: It’s emotional blackmail and it creates tons of unnecessary drama. Every minor hiccup in the flow of the relationship results in a perceived commitment crisis. It’s crucial for both people in a relationship to know that negative thoughts and feelings can be communicated safely to one another without it threatening the relationship itself. Otherwise people will suppress their true thoughts and feelings which leads to an environment of distrust and manipulation.

What You Should Do Instead: It’s fine to get upset at your partner or to not like something about them. That’s called being a normal human being. But understand that committing to a person and always liking a person are not the same thing. One can be committed to someone and not like everything about them. One can be eternally devoted to someone yet actually be annoyed or angered by their partner at times. On the contrary, two partners who are capable of communicating feedback and criticism towards one another only without judgment or blackmail will strengthen their commitment to one another in the long-run.

4. Blaming Your Partner For Your Own Emotions

What It Is: Let’s say you’re having a crappy day and your partner isn’t exactly being super sympathetic or supportive at the moment. They’ve been on the phone all day with some people from work. They got distracted when you hugged them. You want to lay around at home together and just watch a movie tonight, but they have plans to go out and see their friends.

So you lash out at them for being so insensitive and callous toward you. You’ve been having a shitty day and they have done nothing about it. Sure, you never asked, but they should just know to make you feel better. They should have gotten off the phone and ditched their plans based on your lousy emotional state.

Why It’s Toxic: Blaming our partners for our emotions is a subtle form of selfishness, and a classic example of the poor maintenance of personal boundaries. When you set a precedent that your partner is responsible for how you feel at all times (and vice-versa), then will develop codependent tendencies. Suddenly, they’re not allowed to plan activities without checking with you first. All activities at home — even the mundane such as reading books or watching TV — must be negotiated and compromised. When someone begins to get upset, all personal desires go out the window because it is now your responsibility to make one another feel better.

The biggest problem of developing these codependent tendencies is that they breed resentment. Sure, if my girlfriend gets mad at me once because she’s had a shitty day and is frustrated and needs attention, that’s understandable. But if it becomes an expectation that my life revolves around her emotional well-being at all times, then I’m soon going to become very bitter and even manipulative towards her feelings and desires.

What You Should Do Instead: Take responsibility for your own emotions and expect your partner to be responsible for theirs. There’s a subtle yet important difference between being supportive of your partner and being obligated to your partner. Any sacrifices should be made as an autonomous choice and not seen as an expectation. As soon as both people in a relationship become culpable for each other’s moods and downswings, it gives them both incentives to hide their true feelings and manipulate one another.

5. Displays of “Loving” Jealousy

What It Is: Getting pissed off when your partner talks, flirts, touches, calls, texts, hangs out, or sneezes in the general vicinity of another person and then you proceed to take that anger out on your partner and attempt to control their behavior. This often leads to insano behaviors such as hacking into your partner’s email account, looking through their text messages while they’re in the shower or even following them around town and showing up unannounced when they’re not expecting you.

Why It’s Toxic: It surprises me that some people describe this as some sort of display of affection. They figure that if their partner wasn’t jealous then that would somehow mean that they weren’t loved by them.

This is absolutely clownshit crazy to me. It’s controlling and manipulative. It creates unnecessary drama and fighting. It transmits a message of a lack of trust in the other person. And to be honest, it’s demeaning. If my girlfriend cannot trust me to be around other attractive women by myself, then it implies that she believes that I’m either a) a liar, or b) incapable of controlling my impulses. In either case, that’s a woman I do not want to be dating.

What You Should Do Instead: Trust your partner. It’s a radical idea, I know. Some jealousy is natural. But excessive jealousy and controlling behaviors towards your partner are signs of your own feelings of unworthiness and you should learn to deal with them and not force them onto those close to you. Because otherwise you are only going to eventually push that person away.

6. Buying the Solutions to Relationship Problems

What It Is: Any time a major conflict or issue comes up in the relationship, instead of solving it, one covers it up with the excitement and good feelings that come with buying something nice or going on a trip somewhere.

My parents were experts at this one. And it got them real far: a big fat divorce and 15 years of hardly speaking to each other since. They have both since independently told me that this was the primary problem in their marriage: continuously covering up their real issues with superficial pleasures.

Why It’s Toxic: Not only does it brush the real problem under the rug (where it will always re-emerge from even worse the next time), but it sets an unhealthy precedent within the relationship. This is not a gender-specific problem, but I will use the traditional gendered situation as an example. Let’s imagine that whenever a woman gets angry at her boyfriend/husband, the man “solves” the issue by buying the woman something nice, or taking her to a nice restaurant or something. Not only does this give the woman unconscious incentive to find more reasons to be upset with the man, but it also gives the man absolutely no incentive to actually be accountable for the problems in the relationship. So what do you end up with? A checked-out husband who feels like an ATM, and an incessantly bitter woman who feels unheard.

What You Should Do Instead: Actually, you know, deal with the problem. Trust was broken? Talk about what it will take to rebuild it. Someone feels ignored or unappreciated? Talk about ways to restore those feelings of appreciation. Communicate!

There’s nothing wrong with doing nice things for a significant other after a fight to show solidarity and to reaffirm commitment. But one should never use gifts or fancy things to replacedealing with the underlying emotional issues. Gifts and trips are called luxuries for a reason, you only get to appreciate them when everything else is already good. If you use them to cover up your problems, then you will find yourself with a much bigger problem down the line.

BREAK… TIME… SPACE ….Is it necessary in a relationship?

Image

So I was reading an article that was about on partner asking for a break so that he could “figure” things out in the relationship. The article talks about how the relationships was going trough a couple of bumps and that one of the needed a break.

My thing about a break is that if a relationship is going trough some bumps and things are not doing well the last thing you need is a break. I believe that when someone in a relationship asks for a break it leaves a whole new door open for things to go wrong. Don’t get me wrong I do believe that a couple should be able to have time for each other and time for each partner. But I do also believe that when one of the partners is trying to get a “break” there might be some alternative motives as to why the break is needed. So my question is, are breaks really necessary? If you really love a person a break should not be need it.

In conclusion think about your partner and how it may make them feel and also be HONEST with yourself. If there are some alternative motives, talk to your partner and let them know the truth and don’t hurt them anymore!

THOUGHTS????

Check out the article HERE!!!

Long Distance Relationships…Do they work!?

long2

After reading an article on long distance relationships I came to the conclusion that they don’t work. The article explained that while one was away the other half was left behind and that after a while both disconnected from each other. The article goes on and on about how they cheated on each other. To me cheating on someone is something that it is not acceptable, I would rather break up the relationship before I cheat on someone. But this article goes on and explains that they were far apart and that it got too intense and they could have not helped it. I’m sorry, but I think that we are all grown and know what we are doing no matter how “intense” a situation is. No matter what the situation is we all know when we are getting involve with someone else and what the intentions are behind with this other person. So there is no excuse as to why you should not be honest and upfront with the person that you are dating.

Another point that this article touches is “Open Relationships” and to me that is just insane!!!!! WHO IN THE H**** is going to put their feelings, emotions and health in the hands of somebody else? I’m sorry but no matter how much I love you and how much I want to be with this other person. I AM NOT going to put my sake under someone else hands. To me this is just crazy!!! Why would you let your self go trough that. It is painful to me just thinking about me sharing that special someone with someone else.

In conclusion… do not let anyone come between you and your significant other. You have the power to draw the line and to say NO! no matter how much it hurts. So be smart and think before!!! AND NO… LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS DO NOT WORK!!!

Here is the Article if you want to check it out!!!