Long Distance Relationships…Do they work!?

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After reading an article on long distance relationships I came to the conclusion that they don’t work. The article explained that while one was away the other half was left behind and that after a while both disconnected from each other. The article goes on and on about how they cheated on each other. To me cheating on someone is something that it is not acceptable, I would rather break up the relationship before I cheat on someone. But this article goes on and explains that they were far apart and that it got too intense and they could have not helped it. I’m sorry, but I think that we are all grown and know what we are doing no matter how “intense” a situation is. No matter what the situation is we all know when we are getting involve with someone else and what the intentions are behind with this other person. So there is no excuse as to why you should not be honest and upfront with the person that you are dating.

Another point that this article touches is “Open Relationships” and to me that is just insane!!!!! WHO IN THE H**** is going to put their feelings, emotions and health in the hands of somebody else? I’m sorry but no matter how much I love you and how much I want to be with this other person. I AM NOT going to put my sake under someone else hands. To me this is just crazy!!! Why would you let your self go trough that. It is painful to me just thinking about me sharing that special someone with someone else.

In conclusion… do not let anyone come between you and your significant other. You have the power to draw the line and to say NO! no matter how much it hurts. So be smart and think before!!! AND NO… LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS DO NOT WORK!!!

Here is the Article if you want to check it out!!!

FRIENDS WITH AN EX???

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Friends With An Ex: Is It Always Bad For Your Relationship?

I always knew that staying friends with an EX was never a good idea and now I got science to back me up! Read this interesting article about it!

We already knew exes can spell trouble for relationships. Now science is backing it up.

When dealing with a case of the ex, there are generally two schools of thought.

First, there’s the “We’re just friends, it’s harmless, I only have eyes for you” group of people, who believe friendships with ex-lovers cause no real harm. On the opposite end are those (myself included) who feel that all ties with ex-boyfriends and girlfriends should be severed in order for new relationships to flourish.

 

 

Well, ladies and gents, if you’re a member of the “no ex is a good ex” party, then celebrate! We’ve got science on our side now.

Allow me to explain: Canadian researchers recently found that staying chummy with a former flame can seriously affect the foundation of existing romantic relationships. Interestingly, it goes both ways: Having warm thoughts about an ex decreases the quality of current relationships, while low relationship satisfaction can also create some seriously warm thoughts about an ex.

To come to this conclusion, the researchers studied 123 men and women over the course of six months, asking questions regarding their current relationship status and satisfaction, and their relationships with former partners.

Researchers believe nostalgia plays a big role in longing for an ex, especially when a current relationship seems to be taking a turn for the worse. It’s even more dangerous if your boyfriend or girlfriend is still friends with their most recent ex, as a recent ex is a more viable alternative in the case of a split than an ex from several years ago.

Sure, a past lover can offer a sense of comfort, especially when a current romance hits rocky points. However, if you’re like me, you can simply remind your significant other that there was a good reason the two split in the first place, and ask that the conversations and chumminess be kept to a minimum. It’s not considered being possessive or jealous — it’s simply relationship preservation, grounded in science!

Tips on Jealous Partner and Tips for the Partner!

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Tips for Conquering the Jealousy Beast I was reading this article on jealousy Check this tips!!!

If you are the one suffering from jealousy…

  • Acknowledge your jealousy. Avoid minimizing or denying its existence. Recognize that you are not your jealousy—it is a part of you, one aspect of you that you can learn to manage. Admitting its power over you is the first step to conquering it.
  • Identify the cause of your jealousy. What feelings are underneath your jealousy? Work on developing more effective ways to cope with these specific emotions.
  • Keep a journal and write about your experience of jealousy and what it means to you. Ask yourself such questions as:
    • Do I trust my partner and believe what he says?
    • Am I projecting my own issues and feelings onto him and blaming him? What is my jealousy really about?
    • What hurts? What’s missing in my life?
    • What are the consequences of my jealousy? What do I get out of it that may be perpetuating it?
    • Are my jealous feelings rational or irrational? Are they based more on real threats or insecurities?
  • Identify your triggers to jealousy and either avoid them or find ways to confront them head-on in a healthy way.
  • Live in the present. Your partner is not your ex-boyfriend. Learn how to control your anger and grieve past losses and hurts.
  • Refrain from obsessing and compulsively questioning your partner’s behavior. Monitor your own thoughts and always check your motives and feelings against reality.
  • Realize that you are responsible for your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. You create your own interpretations and perceptions of events and situations. Learn to identify and challenge irrational thoughts and beliefs and develop affirmations or coaching, coping statements to write on index cards for reference to help you through difficult times.
  • Practice relaxation techniques to help you cope with your anxiety.
  • Make sure to have a life separate from your partner to reduce dependency and bring more fresh air into the relationship. Reach out to your friends, build your support system, and seek out social outlets that inspire a sense of fun and purpose.
  • Build your self-esteem by taking safe risks that boost your confidence and allow you to see the strengths you possess.

If you are the partner of a jealous lover…

  • Be patient and endure through this difficult period. Understand how painful and difficult it is for your partner and empathize and validate his feelings. Provide reassurances of your love, but don’t enable his behavior.
  • Take care of yourself. Practice good stress management for emotional wellness.
  • Identify ways you might be able to support your partner and show how you value him. Explore your own behavior to determine if you’re reinforcing your lover’s jealousies in any way.
    And finally, together as a couple…
  • Identify if the jealousy has its roots in an underlying problem in your relationship. What’s missing? Are there any unmet needs that require your attention?
  • Don’t make assumptions! Avoid mind-reading and always check feelings or thoughts that you may have with each other.
  • This is a great opportunity to open the channels of communication and see if any new boundaries or “relationship rules” need to be re-negotiated, created, or dropped.
  • Make your relationship a #1 priority! Spend lots of quality time together and engage in activities that will re-vitalize your bond and restore some of that damaged trust and intimacy.

Conclusion

Jealousy doesn’t have to rule your life. Make a commitment to aggressively minimize its influence so that there will be more energy available for your own self-care and for enriching your relationship. These are the things that really matter. So squash that bugger before it has the chance to contaminate what the two of you have worked so hard to build. Convert that jealousy into passion for yourself and for your partner and before long you’ll no longer heed Jealousy’s evil whispers. You can do it!

10 Things you might not know about Love …

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Found this VERY interesting Article about Love in the whole scientific perspective Check it out! 

1. It can be hard to talk about love in scientific terms because people have strong pre-existing ideas about it.

The vision of love that emerges from the latest science requires a radical shift. I learned that I need to ask people to step back from their current views of love long enough to consider it from a different perspective: their body’s perspective. Love is not romance. It’s not sexual desire. It’s not even that special bond you feel with family or significant others.

And perhaps most challenging of all, love is neither lasting nor unconditional. The radical shift we need to make is this: Love, as your body experiences it, is a micro-moment of connection shared with another.

2. Love is not exclusive.

We tend to think of love in the same breath as loved ones. When you take these to be only your innermost circle of family and friends, you inadvertently and severely constrain your opportunities for health, growth and well-being.

In reality, you can experience micro-moments of connection with anyone — whether your soul mate or a stranger. So long as you feel safe and can forge the right kind of connection, the conditions for experiencing the emotion of love are in place.

3. Love doesn’t belong to one person.

We tend to think of emotions as private events, confined to one person’s mind and skin. Upgrading our view of love defies this logic. Evidence suggests that when you really “click” with someone else, a discernible yet momentary synchrony emerges between the two of you, as your gestures and biochemistries, even your respective neural firings, come to mirror one another in a pattern I call positivity resonance. Love is a biological wave of good feeling and mutual care that rolls through two or more brains and bodies at once.

4. Making eye contact is a key gateway for love.

Your body has the built-in ability to “catch” the emotions of those around you, making your prospects for love — defined as micro-moments of positivity resonance — nearly limitless. As hopeful as this sounds, I also learned that you can thwart this natural ability if you don’t make eye contact with the other person. Meeting eyes is a key gatekeeper to neural synchrony.

5. Love fortifies the connection between your brain and your heart, making you healthier.

Decades of research show that people who are more socially connected live longer and healthier lives. Yet precisely how social ties affect health has remained one of the great mysteries of science.

My research team and I recently learned that when we randomly assign one group of people to learn ways to create more micro-moments of love in daily live, we lastingly improve the function of the vagus nerve, a key conduit that connects your brain to your heart. This discovery provides a new window into how micro-moments of love serve as nutrients for your health.

6. Your immune cells reflect your past experiences of love.

Too often, you get the message that your future prospects hinge on your DNA. Yet the ways that your genes get expressed at the cellular level depends mightily on many factors, including whether you consider yourself to be socially connected or chronically lonely.

My team is now investigating the cellular effects of love, testing whether people who build more micro-moments of love in daily life also build healthier immune cells.

7. Small emotional moments can have disproportionately large biological effects.

It can seem surprising that an experience that lasts just a micro-moment can have any lasting effect on your health and longevity. Yet I learned that there’s an important feedback loop at work here, an upward spiral between your social and your physical well-being.

That is, your micro-moments of love not only make you healthier, but being healthier builds your capacity for love. Little by little, love begets love by improving your health. And health begets health by improving your capacity for love.

8. Don’t take a loving marriage for granted.

Writing this book has profoundly changed my personal view of love. I used to uphold love as that constant, steady force that all but defines my marriage. While that constant, steady force still exists, I now see our bond as a product of the many micro-moments of positivity resonance that my husband and I have shared over the years. This shakes me out of any complacency that tempts me to take our love for granted. Love is something we should re-cultivate every single day.

9. Love and compassion can be one and the same.

If we reimagine love as micro-moments of shared positivity, it can seem like love requires that you always feel happy. I learned that this isn’t true. You can experience a micro-moment of love even as you or the person with whom you connect suffers.

Love doesn’t require that you ignore or suppress negativity. It simply requires that some element of kindness, empathy or appreciation be added to the mix. Compassion is the form love takes when suffering occurs.

10. Simply upgrading your view of love changes your capacity for it.

The latest science offers new lenses through which to see your every interaction. The people I interviewed for the book shared incredibly moving stories about how they used micro-moments of connection to make dramatic turnarounds in their personal and work lives.

One of the most hopeful things I learned is that when people take just a minute or so each day to think about whether they felt connected and attuned to others, they initiate a cascade of benefits. And this is something you could start doing today, having learned even just this much more about how love works.